What were your most valuable accomplishments this past year?
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To design, build, implement, and maintain the very DNA of this
organization and implement processes for same.
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What was most difficult to accomplish?
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To design, build, implement, and maintain the very DNA of this
organization. I had no help, no input and no support or belief in the importance of what I
was doing from management. Management wanted to use paper instead of state of the art
electronic means and hired incompetent contractors to provide technical writing and
project management, neither of which were effective. I had to overcome the interjection of
a temporarily contracted group whose complete inexperience with any work environment
proved unproductive. All of these things occurring during the consolidation of two groups
who previously fucking hated each others guts.
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What critical knowledge have you acquired during this review period?
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I have learned how not to give a flying fuck about any thing. I have
learned that long term goals are useless and instant gratification is all that matters. I
have learned that loyalty is obsolete and that a pretty face is all you really need. I
have learned that if you stick around long enough everybody else will quit and you will be
in charge. I have learned that presentation is everything and substance is irrelevant. I
have learned that people are an expendable resource and their petty little needs are
unimportant in the grand scheme of things. I have learned that people will believe any
gawd damned thing you tell them when they are desperate. I have learned that details are
unimportant and that making statistics say what you want is the road to success. I have
learned that if you tell people what they want to hear they will shut the fuck up for
awhile. I have leaned that getting on your knees and swallowing a high hard one is sure to
expedite career success. I have learned that you don't really have to know anything as
long as you act like you do. I have learned that sophomoric giggling with the boss is also
a path to promotion. I have learned that decisions can only be made at very high levels by
those with no direct contact to the actual situation. I have learned there is no "I".
I have learned that pay commensurate with experience is only found in newspaper classified
adds. I have learned that I can live on the same pay as someone with half my experience,
integrity and commitment. I have learned that processes that I have been expected to
implement are meant, like rules, to be broken. I have learned that what a person is
actually capable of has no relevance in contrast to what they say they can do. I have
learned that saying is doing, unless someone says they will do something. I have learned
that drug testing is not an issue where I work. I have learned that addressing the issue
is not the issue at all. I have learned that symptoms have no root cause. I have learned
that you can get paid the same for just showing up. I have learned that no one is really
monitoring what web sites I go to, even though they keep sending out emails telling me
they are. I have learned that you can not increase your job skills within the company and
that you can only do that by being hired some place else. I have learned that temporarily
contracted employees are really more like special liaisons from God and are more
knowledgeable about company culture, processes and direction than I could have possibly
become in 5 years of employment here. I have learned that the most ineffective people in
the department will probably become project managers. I have learned that a lengthy reply
does not necessarily have to answer a question. I have learned that when my father told me
that a job worth doing is a job worth doing well... he was misinformed. I have learned
that if a job is worth doing it's worth making up some empty metaphors about. I have
learned that if a system or department doesn't work you can just rename it to solve the
problem. I have become a Zen master of increased tolerance for ambiguity. I have learned
that its not what you know its if you swallow.
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How have you demonstrated customer alignment?
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I listened to their incessant whining. I wiped their asses with the
fabric of my integrity. I never once killed or maimed a single one of them. I dismissed my
pride and against all better judgement gave everyone what they wanted... Instant
gratification with no regard for long term commitment or solutions.
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What critical skill developments are necessary for next year?
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Mastering Felatio, Rimming and service with a smile.
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What does your manager do that helps you accomplish your goals and why?
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She stays the hell out of my cubical and off my back so I can do my
work. She promotes my development unlike the rest of the company, realizing that this
pukie little position is merely a stepping stone for me.
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